Don’t Block Your Blessings

5 Mar

When I was a teenager, walking down the street with my mother whenever I saw a couple that was happy as ever, but one of them was ugly as sin I would say, “dang, how’d she/he get somebody to hold their hand in the street?”
My mother would respond “there’s somebody for everybody.” I took that phrase to literally mean even ugly people have a soulmate. I’ve grown to realize thats not quite what the phrase means.

I’ve long since lost faith in the idea of a soulmate. However I do believe everyone will experience that insane happiness with a significant other in their lifetime. Whether it lasts six months or sixty years, we will all experience it if we’re open to it.

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Now when I say “open to it” I mean, almost literally leaving yourself open to love. There’s ways of being a sucker for love without becoming a doormat. If you like someone, the only way they’re going to know is if you express that to them. If you see an opportunity, take it. No, I don’t mean to holla when her man is out of town. I mean if she’s single, you like her, you guys have a good rapport and a lot in common, go for it. Don’t block your own blessings by being too scared to make a move. You never know what could happen if you just ask to go get some coffee one on one. I know a couple who started off just like that. He liked what he saw, although she hadn’t taken much notice of him he asked her if she wanted to walk with him to the little diner that our job often ordered from. She said yes, they dated for a while and now they have a little girl and are planning their wedding. What would have happened if he never approached her simply because she wasn’t paying him any mind initially? Hm…

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That’s not the only way to block your blessings though. People, predominately women, tend to hold on to relationships that have surpassed their expiration date. What do I mean by that? Okay, it’s time to keep it funky, 100%, REAL… Stop holding on to trifling ass bums just for the sake of a relationship. Like really, cut it out!!! Men have this problem but not nearly as much as women. Women do not know when to let go. They can be miserable as hell. Spending their days at work fronting and their nights crying, all the while hoping and praying for this man to change. Guess what love? It’s not going down and you will die a miserable ass. Pussy runs the world but it doesn’t change individuals. If you didn’t set your standards in the beginning and stick to them, that man is going to do what he pleases because you allow it. No matter how much bunz you give up, or ration, no matter how many times you watched Superhead do her triple threat swivel on a stick, no matter how spotless the house is or how well you cook a meal, a man will do whatever he wants. You cannot make him “act right” or change. (By the way, I’m talking to you gay couples too. Mostly lesbians! You know who you are )

We all see our lives going a certain way and when we reach our twenties we realize nothing ever goes as planned. Life is impossible to foresee that well. Women for the most part want to be successful in their career and a good man by their side to make some pretty babies and build that white picket fence with. And I’m not telling you you’re asking for too much, because that’s certainly a reasonable aspiration. However so many of us get stuck with that ONE because he made us smile for about a year and even though we become totally miserable, we hang on for dear life praying he’ll magically turn into what we want. I can’t stress enough, IT WON’T HAPPEN. Oh, he might start doing things a little differently if you threaten to leave, but that’s only because you’ve both reached a certain level of comfort and he’s confident you’re not going anywhere if he goes back to his old habits in six months or less. The bottom line is, if you’re not happy BOUNCE. No, seriously… Leave! Nine times out of ten counseling is not going to fix anything, it just teaches you how to go back in time and find your representative that was there in the beginning. Unless you’re married and a traumatic experience has altered your relationship, don’t bother, it’s a waste of time and money. For anyone who’s ever seen the movie Love Jones, we know there are quite a few memorable scenes and lines. The scene that stands out to me right now is when Nia Long goes back to her old boyfriend and they get into an argument and he says to her “we have all these years,” and she says “all we have are all these years.” In other words, they were headed in the direction of Nowhere-ville via the Boredom Express. Nia Long’s character was not happy and you know what? She BOUNCED

Not everybody is going to have Larenz Tate waiting in the wings for them, like Nia Long did in Love Jones, but then again you never know. You don’t know who’s been checking you out, waiting for the opportunity to be your partner and give you everything you want but you’re too busy holding on to a dark cloud because you have “all these years” together. Cut the crap, will ya? If he was jobless and on your couch in the beginning, he’s going to stay there unless you point his ass in the direction of a park bench. If he punched you dead in your face because you smiled at another man, he might apologize, but it doesn’t mean later he won’t upper cut you later for saying “thank you” to the Fed Ex man. If he cheated four times and five babies pop up within your three years together, guess what? Another three years and there will be ten children. If shes telling you she doesn’t want children, don’t waste two and three years trying to convince her and waiting for her to change her mind. She’s got her back up birth control to block your punctured condoms. It’s not happening. If you met her stripping and doing naked photo shoots, and she got off the pole but has graduated to a shoot with King Magazine, guess what? She likes to show her cheeks and it’s not going to change. Move the hell on.
Like I said, my mother told me at the beginning of the blog, there is somebody for everybody. But you’ll never know until you stop blocking your blessings. A man once said to me “women are like monkeys, they don’t let go of the first branch until the next branch is secure is their hand.” Ladies, we play it too safe. Hanging on to a branch too rough for our dainty hands and limiting ourselves to what we can hold onto in that one hand. Let go, drop down and use your arms AND legs, hands AND feet to climb a taller tree and reach for what you really want. You have to drop the dead weight to be more appealing. Your smile is not going to attract the man of your dreams with that dark cloud hovering over you. You cannot get a hero of you’re hanging onto a zero.

Okay, I’m running out of cliche phrases to twist and apply. One last time, don’t block your blessings. If you and your significant other are not on the same path and you have more bad times than good, it’s time to move on, clear the path and open yourself up to a good one. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

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One Response to “Don’t Block Your Blessings”

  1. Ms. Tee March 22, 2012 at 7:48 pm #

    Exxxxaaaaaacctly……..well said!!

    Like

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