Step It Up Oldies, If You Still Wanna Be Goodies

24 Apr

This blog is dedicated to the fellas… Particularly the ones over forty who want to date us spring chickens in our twenties. I need y’all to step it up. I’ve dated two men ten years my senior and they were polar opposites. The first one had it all together. He had a decent job, nice ride, his own place, took care of his kids and never looked at me to split the bill on a date. The second one, for lack of a better word, was a bum. He had a decent job and car, but poor money management skills, which of course made him slack off on his parenting duties. He also didn’t have a steady place to live and actually said to me, “I’m looking for someone to build from the ground up with.” Say what?? Neither of these men were in their forties yet but, forty was definitely around the corner for the both of them, which to me means, they should have it together. Especially when it comes to a permanent residence.

In my first real relationship, the guy was four years older than me. We lived together for three and a half of our five and a half year relationship. Never once did I have to call either of my parents for financial help. When I got pregnant within the first three months of our relationship, he promised to provide for me and our child from that point on. It’s ten years later, we’re no longer together, we even had a bitter spell between us, but he has yet to renege on that promise. I think that says a lot for a man to make a promise like that at twenty-two years old, in comparison to a man in his forties with college-aged children who can’t even buy their child a textbook.

Recently I had a man in his fifties ask me out. I turned him down, giving the reason that I’m involved. However, even if I wasn’t involved he wouldn’t have had a chance. I found it to be mostly true that women are attracted to men who are like their fathers. It is also true that your first real relationship creates a blueprint for your expectations of a man. Aside from all that, I don’t date anyone older than my mother because that would make them approximately my father’s age and that’s just gross. So my real reasons for turning this man down was because he had nothing going for himself. He had just moved from a room into an apartment and had no legitimate means of income. To some this may sound shallow on my part and I apologize to anyone who may be offended, but you have to understand where I’m coming from. My father is in his fifties, educated, well-spoken, well dressed, owns his own home, maintains family business in his home country, provides his children with nothing but the best and for lack of a better expression, his swag with the ladies is out of this world. Needless to say, I’m impressed by my father, I look up to him and probably unbeknownst to him, he has shown me what a real man is. So when a man within his age range approaches me, I expect him to be on my father’s level or better.

Besides the fact that I have a great father and my daughter’s father does well also, I myself, am not doing too bad for a single mother in her twenties. I may need help once in a while, but my parents never have to pay my bills because I’m out being irresponsible with my paycheck. My first year of college was a disaster because I was pregnant, but the fact remains I was determined to go to school and further my education to ensure a better future for myself and the child I carried. So, with all that being said, what do I look like dating someone fifty years old, with a GED, living in a room, still scrambling in the street to make a buck? Are we all seeing the big picture here?

I felt the need to talk about this because the older man that I dated that didn’t have it together used to try to put me down because I had certain expectations of men that he could not fulfill. If I said one small thing about my daughter’s father, like, “he’s coming to get the baby to take her shopping”, he would say “just forget about that, you don’t live that life anymore.” He was also quick to downplay my level of intelligence. I guess he felt because he was older he should know more. But if you didn’t go to school, don’t read, don’t watch the news or documentaries, don’t walk through museums or don’t even think outside of the box, you’re not going to appear to be very intelligent. His bitterness towards my expectations and intelligence certainly did not help his cause and for that, among other reasons, I had to let him go. Since then I’ve been very careful about who I give a “chance” to.

I know it’s 2012, but I have a somewhat old fashioned way of thinking. In my mind, men are providers. If he cannot even provide himself the bare necessities, then he can’t possibly have anything to offer me, and I will not be the only one bringing home the bacon and frying it in the pan. To be with a responsible man who has just fallen on hard times is different. A man like that has a plan B or has built up enough so that his hard times aren’t like the bitter end. That’s the type of man I’d be willing to assist and “rebuild” with.

When a fifty year old slacker calls himself trying to spit game to me all I can think is, “what the hell have you been doin for the past twenty-five years, that you have nothing goin for yourself now? And I’m in my twenties working my ass off, what were you doing at my age?”

So to all those fine fellas in their fifties with the gift of gab and well versed in the bedroom, but sleeping on couches and hustling for pennies, I need you to know; even if you currently have a cute little educated, independent spring chick on your arm, it’s not going to last very long. You stand the chance of her running into someone like my father and being truly swept off her feet because he doesn’t require her to split or cover the bill at dinner. His cell phone is never off because he doesn’t have any minutes. He never faces eviction from someone’s couch. And overall, he has intelligent, well-rounded conversation to offer. I’m ending it here, because I think I sound like I’m trying to get my father a date, but he doesn’t do the spring chicken thing anyway. Step it up fellas, think outside the box, but also know whats in your league.

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