Family First: But First, Who’s Your Family?

7 May

It’s become apparent to me that people are confused on who their family is. Lately I hear statements like, “My wife needs to understand, that’s my brother, family first, so of course I’m on his side.” Or “Thats my cousin, I’m not letting my husband come between blood.” The worst example was on an episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, when Lil Scrappy sided with his mother in an argument between her, and his fiancé. What people need to understand is that family is who lives in your house, the children you raise, and who you lay with when the lights go out, because those are the people you face everyday, and make everyday decisions with that affect your life as a whole.

For whatever reason men are prone to take their mother’s word over everything. My theory is that it’s the lack of partnerships in the home. Too many single women do everything on their own, so children are left with the impression that women should run everything alone, without a partner. When a man leaves his home, takes a wife, and starts having children, they become his immediate family. His parents and siblings are not a part of that unit. His wife and children come first before anybody. His mother should never be allowed to walk into his house and make decisions, disrespect his wife, or take charge of his children. That is not her home, so she holds no weight there. Siblings have this problem as well, and I rely on the same theory to explain this. A man should never side with his siblings against his wife or children. At the end of the day, it’s his wife he shares a bed with, not his brother, sister, or cousin.

Disagreements like that are the number one reason why once you decide to make a family, you need to move out of your parents’ home. It avoids unnecessary conflict between in-laws. If you can’t leave, avoid taking on a family until you can. It will save you the stress of arguments and headaches, and the cost of therapy for either yourself, or the children you’re bound to screw up.

I also have an issue with the idea of blood being thicker than water. I believe that there is a difference between family, and relatives. I have had friends in my life for 15 years or more, that I consider family, and relatives I’ve know my whole life who I don’t acknowledge. Why? Because unfortunately, I have seen relatives commit the absolute worst crimes against their own blood, but have had friends give me the clothes off their backs. There are relatives that I barely know, and do not care to know because they have a poor history when it comes to how they treat people. I know this upsets certain family members, but I stand my ground. It’s not necessary to expose oneself to mistreatment and abuse, for the sake of “family.”

I am not saying that blood relatives are not important, or that once a person grows up and moves out on their own, they should discount everyone outside of their household. But do understand, where your loyalty truly lies. When disagreements occur between in laws, a person needs to step back and evaluate who is at fault, before siding with “blood.” Disrespect is never acceptable from either side, but the compromise is between the couple, not the in laws. Never endanger yourself or your children for the sake of “blood.” Just because that thief happens to be your aunt or uncle, doesn’t mean your child should know them. The bottom line is, they’re still a thief, they are still a danger to you and your immediate family.

Before you run out yelling “that’s my brother,” take a moment to assess the situation and remember who you have to face at the end of the day. If you want your mother to make decisions for your household, then move back in with her. It should make her very happy, and you very lonely.

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One Response to “Family First: But First, Who’s Your Family?”

  1. StephyLionne March 13, 2017 at 1:48 pm #

    Reblogged this on Sellsworthy and commented:
    Things that make you go hmmm!

    Like

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