DELETE

6 Apr

No. 

Stop. 

Do NOT hit send. 

I will hit delete. 

Unless… we’ve had a few months of mind blowing sex that I like to reminisce about. 

No but for real. I don’t wanna see your dick. I don’t want anything to do with your dick until it’s totally about to go down. I might think about what it would be like to have sex with you. Who doesn’t when you’re dating or talking? But trust me, I’m not thinking about the details of your penis until I’m faced with the possibility of you using it. 

I realize it’s a little different for men. Y’all are all in. You are not the least bit uncomfortable with nips, cheeks, or camel toes that you might not ever touch. Women aren’t quite like that. Especially me. I hate club-booty-rubs… y’know when I guy is dancing with you and gets a woody and it’s rubbing all over your behind? Omg! That is the most disgusting thing ever! Get your nameless penis away from me! I should never know your length & girth without knowing your name!

Don’t get it twisted. We might talk a little shit. I like to let on how much I like sex, so if the guy is a prude I can dip early.  It’s just me. I’m just sexual like that. But… until it has gone down and I have claimed you as my new Wonder Wood, please do not ever think I want to see your penis at 8 a.m. when I am at my desk typing and researching shit, 1 p.m. when I’m having my lunch, or 8 p.m. when I am indulging in ratchet television. 

Bottom line, we’ll let you know when or if we’d like a dick pic. We will say it. Don’t attempt to read my mind on that one. This is not one of those situations. A dick pic is the worst kind of surprise. 

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One Response to “DELETE”

  1. Jamie April 7, 2017 at 1:52 am #

    The worse surprise ever. Especially when I don’t think it looks as impressive as you do. Sorry 😐

    Liked by 1 person

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